Women's Group Busy Bites

Topic: Where In Your Life Are You A Victim?

Pat — Thu, 11 Apr 2013 13:04:50 +0000

Many women hold a belief that they are victims in different areas of their lives. They feel they don’t have control and have to live with situations that are not healthy to them. For example, an adult relationship that is negative towards them or always being on call with children and husbands.

If there is an area of your life that you chronically complain about…you are playing the victim. It is a choice and believe it or not, there are goodies to playing a victim. It’s never all one person’s fault.

Very few people have eradicated all forms of victimhood in their lives as none of us are perfect. The power in our lives comes with change which allows us to grow stronger and build our “confidence muscles.” Letting go of playing the victim adds more energy and creativity into your life.

“The Victim Mentality” Dr. Thomas J. Nevitt Ph.D on American Association of Professional Hypnotherapists.

Our society is full of people who, through their own limiting beliefs, have settled into becoming victims of their circumstances. They feel powerless to make changes in their lives because they think that the elements of their lives are out of their control.

Group Topic
This is a powerful topic as many women can relate to feeling like a victim. Depending on the era you were raised in, you may have been taught to be responsive to others and not to think about how to take care of yourself.

Playing the victim could be fully entrenched into your emotions and behaviors and you need to first become aware of the ways you play the victim. Questions to ask yourself:

How often do I complain about the same person or a particular situation?
How do I feel when I share my hardships with others and get their sympathy?
What areas in my life do I feel I have no control over?
Is it better to make peace than be honest?
What goodies am I getting by playing the victim?
How can I stop playing the victim?
When am I willing to start to take full responsibility of my life?
and come up with your own questions for the group.

Comments
We would love your comments because other women can gain from your discussion or your own change with victimhood. Women can help each other live fuller lives by sharing our thoughts about letting go of playing the victim or areas we still play the victim.

Be well,

Karen & Pat

**********More on BEING A VICTIM**********

What Is The Focus Of Your Women’s Group

Pat — Sun, 10 Mar 2013 13:39:53 +0000

You’ve already thought about what kind of women’s group to start. Maybe you haven’t crystallized what it will be or what your goals are, but you have some ideas.

Will it be simply a group that gets together to discuss open-ended women-related topics? Will it focus on interpersonal relationships? Will it be all about self-help and personal growth for women?

Do you have a particular activity or hobby you want to share with others? Maybe reading and discussing the latest best-sellers, teaching each other new dishes to cook, going to and discussing plays or movies. What about learning all about investing or improving ones financial health?

Whatever your choice is, it’s just a starting place. You will present it to your prospective members and those that sparkle at the thought will join you on your journey.

Be well,

Karen & Pat

Topic: Let Go of Struggle

Pat — Thu, 07 Mar 2013 13:06:07 +0000

Have you been trained to accept “struggle” as a given in your life? Do you think nothing good comes unless you struggle?

Before you go any further, realize that working hard is not the same as struggle. Working hard means you are giving it your all and are building either something tangible, knowledge or creating a relationship with a two year old in the middle of “no” stage. Working hard has been tied with struggle and they are not the same thing.

Struggle is rooted in resistance and that is founded on fear. Fear clouds our thinking and makes it difficult to move forward in an effortless way. Another form of fear is ’worry.’ Whatever form of fear you embrace, the more struggle you will have in your life.

Why are we attached to struggle and what is it telling us? Every area that you struggle in you are holding on to a fear based thought that creates the resistance in your life.

“Letting Go of the Mindset of Struggle” by Sen on CalmDownMind.com. This is a long post and filled with many powerful words that help you let go of struggle as a belief in your life.

Look at it this way, whatever your focus is on is what you attract into your experience, so when your focus is on the “lack of money”, and you constantly keep arguing and talking about this lack in your life, it becomes a major part of where your focus is at, and hence the experience you keep re-creating in your reality is that of lack of money. The only way you can break out of this cycle is to consciously let go of this focus, though it may be seem that your mind likes nothing better than to talk about this lack, where you even attract friends which whom you can sit and complain about the lack.

This is a powerful topic for a women’s group. Since all of us have areas we struggle (weight, relationships, money, and more), discuss how struggle has permeated each of your lives. Is struggle necessary? If so, why and if not, how do you let it go?

Help each other build lives that are filled with ease and
find the resources to allow such a life to grow and mature.

Be well,

Karen & Pat

***********More on LETTING GO OF STRUGGLE**********

How To Deal With The “Interrupter”

Pat — Sun, 03 Mar 2013 22:52:17 +0000

We’d all like to think that everything will always go according to plan and that everyone will always play by the rules and be accommodating to others in the group. A nice thought, but things do come up. Having a strategy ahead of time to deal with uncomfortable issues gives you the ability to move through them without causing great upset in your group.

A common issue in most groups is a member who talks a lot or interrupts others while they are speaking. So how does the group handle this challenge? How do you handle a member who is dominating the discussion?

It’s important when you start your group to discuss this challenge. How do you handle an interruption when someone is speaking. If your group has a “talking stick” the holder can just hold it up and ask for the person to wait until it is passed to them. Or maybe you have a Timekeeper who insures that everyone has their chance to speak, and they can gently remind the interrupter to wait their turn.

Whatever challenge occurs in your group, how you handle it should be a group decision.

Note:
If you are brainstorming a subject, interrupting each other will occur because you want people to freely share their ideas. Though still be aware that all people need to contribute.

Each group is different. Some want strong structure, others want flexibility within their structure. Whatever type your groups feels comfortable with, the most important aspect of a group is that individual members feel that are acknowledged and part of the group. Encourage each member to share as that is how you build a solid group.

Be well,

Karen & Pat

Topic: What Is Spirituality?

Pat — Thu, 28 Feb 2013 13:59:46 +0000

During different parts of our lives, exploration of our spirituality and what it means to us surfaces and we start to reflect more on it. Our connection to it can be through an established religious organization or a personal journey on what spirituality means. Women generally are closer to our inner spirit and yet we don’t always discuss it with others. It’s a great topic to have in a women’s group.

If you decide on this topic, there is an abundance of reading material on the subject. For this post, I located another post which feels right for a women’s group discussion. Does the author’s point feel right, and if so why, and if not, why not. Is spirituality only attached to an organized religion structure? Can one actually explore spirituality on their own?

“What is Spirituality?” on EssentialLifeSkills.net:

The term spirituality or being spiritual is being used quite frequently these days, but what exactly does it mean and how does it relate to life?

Your time together is important and don’t be afraid to tackle the deeper questions around life…spirituality being one of them. No matter what your group focus, how to live a spiritual based life shows up in all that we do. If your group is around finances, then how do you invest with integrity and deep spirit with what is right? If your group is all around parenting, how does spirituality play in the family and in what way do you express it?

The questions are endless and we hope you enjoy the journey.

Be well,

Karen & Pat

**********More on WOMEN AND SPIRITUALITY**********

Power of Eating Together

Pat — Sun, 24 Feb 2013 17:10:35 +0000

In today’s fast paced world, there are many “to do’s” on our list and we may be tempted to eat on the run and not join other family members. Though it takes times to prepare and sit down together, the benefits you reap by eating together adds to your well-being and to the family.

Great topic for your group:
How to create special meal times with our partners or families.

“The Health Effects of Family Dinner” Mikel Theobald on EverydayHealth.com

Getting your entire family to the dinner table may seem like a daunting task, but researchers say it’s worth it. “The Importance of Family Dinners IV,” a report published by the National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse at Columbia University, found that teens who frequently eat with their families are less likely to drink, smoke, use illegal drugs, or abuse prescription medicines. This finding alone may be reason enough to set the table, but the benefits of family dinners don’t stop there. From developing lifelong healthy eating habits to achieving good grades and a stronger sense of self, eating together has rewards for each family member.

What if meals together are stressful times in your house? Brainstorm with the other members of your group to understand the issue and how to make changes that will enhance this special time in your home. Ask your family members how you can all join in together at meal times. Maybe you can’t do it every night but can have “sacred” meals where everyone shows up and eats together.

When the kids were growing up in my house (Pat), we ate meals at the kitchen table. Except for Thursday night, which was our “crashed night,” when we watched a favorite TV show together and ate in the den. As the children got older, I just invited their friends over to join us. We didn’t have a lot of money, but I wanted them home eating together and friends were always welcomed.

Be well,

Pat

**********More On FAMILIES EATING TOGETHER**********

Topic: Tips For Healthy Living

Pat — Thu, 21 Feb 2013 13:11:09 +0000

A women’s group is a perfect place to support each other with personal goals. A great topic is around healthy living. Each person may have a different goal, though the overall theme can be how to increase our physical, mental and emotional well-being.

Whenever we reach out to others to share our concerns, dreams and goals, we become stronger. In a group you can take turns discussing what areas of health you want to work on, set goals and help each other meet those goals. Encourage each other to start small and this way you can build your “success muscles.”

“15 Ways To Be Healthier” on Gaiam.com provides tips to start your discussion.

More and more research is showing that the key to lifelong good health is what experts call “lifestyle medicine” — making simple changes in diet, exercise and stress management. To help you turn that knowledge into results, we’ve put together this manageable list of health and wellness action steps.

Important
Not everyone wants to set a goal and that’s ok. Still have the discussion around healthy living and what it means to each member. The important ingredients of a women’s group are:

A safe place for all members to feel comfortable being who they are in the moment.
If a member wants to change, ask “what would be the best way to support you towards the change you want to make?”
Otherwise, stay away from giving too much advice and trying to change the member.
Show respect towards the other members.

A women’s group is about healthy living. Even if it’s not the topic, being together, laughing, sharing our lives, enhances our well-being.

Comments: Let us know if you have discussed Healthy Living in your group

Be well,

Karen & Pat

**********More on WOMEN AND HEALTH**********

I’m Older and How Do I Meet New Friends

Pat — Sun, 17 Feb 2013 20:30:37 +0000

We are all so busy now and don’t always have time for our current responsibilities, so how could we possibly meet new people. Maybe your partner is required to like your friends as well. If they don’t, that hinders the continuation of the friendship. Your life may be busy with your partner, children and building a career. How do you make room for friends?

If you are fortunate, you have friends that know your history and you still enjoy each other’s company.

Maybe you just moved to a new community and need to build new friendships?

“Friends of a Certain Age: Why It’s Hard to Make Friends Over 30” by Alex Williamss on NewYorkTimes.com.

As people approach midlife, the days of youthful exploration, when life felt like one big blind date, are fading. Schedules compress, priorities change and people often become pickier in what they want in their friends.

Women’s Groups
One of the main reasons we hear from women who are interested in starting or joining a women’s group is the opportunity to meet other women. This is a great way to do it. Though it’s not the only way.

There is a great networking opportunity on Meetup.com where you type in your interests and your zip code, and up will pop different groups already formed that you can join. Book clubs, spiritual gatherings, hiking, etc. are all there for you to add new people in your life. If you want to start a women’s group, this is a place you can post your info and others will sign up to join you.

“How To Make Friends” on WikiHow.com gives you common sense ideas to help you find and add new people in your life.

Final Thought
If you want to add new people into your life, then create a plan with options on how to do it, reach out and have patience. It’s not a quick resolution to loneliness, rather enjoy the process of meeting new people.

Be well

Karen & Pat

How Important Are Your Friends?

Pat — Thu, 14 Feb 2013 13:28:35 +0000

Friends are a sanity lifeline for most of us. Our friendships evolve from the different aspects of our lives…childhood, women we met through our children, church, work and the list is endless. The important word here is friends.

Yes, we can annoy each other, though somehow it doesn’t matter because we love and appreciate each other. Friendships are important for our well-being.

Friends make you laugh, listen to you when you’re sad, angry or confused, share the happy moments that bring a smile to your face. Think about each of your friends and ask “how am I different since knowing this person or what has he/she taught me that has added to my life?”

“Eight Tips for Maintaining Friendships” by Gretchen Rubin on Happiness-Project.com.

Ancient philosophers and scientists agree: strong social ties are a KEY to happiness. You need close, long-term relationships; you need to be able to confide in others; you need to belong; you need to get and give support.

For us, we honor the value of the women in our lives. A great topic for a women’s group is how important are your friends? Where are the friendships in your life? Do you have time for them? If not, how can you create the time to connect?

You can make new friendships by starting or joining a women’s group. We are social beings and friendships provide connections and intimacies that add value to our lives. Just spending time with a dear friend, talking about everything and nothing special and we feel fulfilled in the moment.

Reach out and treasure your friends today!

Be well,

Pat

**********More on FRIENDSHIPS*********

Women In Our Lives

Pat — Mon, 11 Feb 2013 19:47:01 +0000

I received the following in an email. Usually I don’t open this type of email, yet as soon as I started to read it, I knew I wanted to share it with other women and post it here:

Time Passes…..

Life happens…..

Distance separates…..

Children grow up…..

Jobs come and go. Love waxes and wanes.

Hearts break. Parents die. Colleagues forget favors. Careers end…..

BUT…..Sisters are there, no matter how much time and how many miles are between you. A girl friend is never farther away than needing her can reach..

When you have to walk that lonesome valley and you have to walk it by yourself, the women in your life will be on the valley’s rim, cheering you on, praying for you, pulling for you, intervening on your behalf, and waiting with open arms at the valley’s end…

Sometimes, they will even break the rules and walk beside you….or come in and carry you out. Girlfriends, daughters, granddaughters…..

Daughter-in-laws, sisters, sister-in-laws, mothers, grandmothers, aunts, nieces, cousins, and extended family, all bless our life!

The world wouldn’t be the same without women, and neither would I. When we began this adventure called womanhood, we had no idea of the incredible joys or sorrows that lay ahead. Nor did we know how much we would need each other. Every day, we need each other still.

Pass this on to all the women who help make your life meaningful. I just did. Short and very sweet. There are more than twenty angels in this world. Ten are peacefully sleeping on clouds. Nine are playing. And one is reading her e-mail at this moment.

Author unknown

Be well,

Karen & Pat