One’s personality is made of different traits and behaviors that when combined make each of us unique.  It’s our own fingerprint – how people know us, how they experience our presence in this world.

All groups benefit from having different types of personalities participating. This helps to create a strong group.  For example if you only have quiet people, your group will never get off the ground.  In contrast, if everyone’s a talker, there can be pandemonium! Talkers and quiet personalities need to find a balance.  The talker needs to be aware of others in the group and the quiet ones may need to take a risk, step up, and participate.

If you set this expectation at the outset and continue to gently remind the group members that they are part of a whole, the group will take form nicely. Clearly state that all need to actively participate and be aware of the other members at the same time.

It can be a challenge to keep this ideal working, but if you get the members to buy-in at the initial formation of the group, you can work with them to create a healthy balance between the different personalities in your group.

Don’t be so ready to dump a member because they have a trait that annoys others.  Instead keep your focus on the group’s ability to work with each personality type.

All of the following personality types are necessary for a well rounded group:

Dynamic vs. Talker – The value of a dynamic person is that they will participate actively in the group and keep it moving.  The potential problem is that once they start talking it’s difficult for them to stop.  This personality is naturally extroverted, sociable and connects with others.  If this personality goes to the other extreme, they can talk forever but don’t know how to connect with others.

Facilitator vs. Controller – The facilitator is the one who wants to keep the meeting moving forward.  This person is great because they see the whole group and watch for stumbling blocks. However, this personality can also be controlling and expect others to behave in specific ways and that’s going too far.

Listener vs. Not Participating – A great characteristic of this personality is that they listen to others, really hear them and respond to them.  However, on the reverse side, this personality type may have trouble divulging personal information and thus don’t really participate.  They give good feedback, but don’t give of themselves.  All members need to participate actively to build trust within a group.

Assertive vs. Aggressive – An assertive member in the group provides clear and caring communication around their feelings and are open to the feelings of others.  Sometimes assertive people switch to aggressive tendencies. They may lash out and dump their thoughts and feelings on others in a not-too-pleasant manner.  Assertive people take ownership of their feelings and that is the goal for all members in a group.

All personalities are in flux and can swing between different levels of extremes.  The goal is to keep a balance within the group so one personality doesn’t dominate the women’s group.  This balance will keep your women’s group alive and functioning, yet diverse and interesting.

Challenging Behaviors In a Women’s Group

Any behavior that is disrespectful to another member requires a group’s attention.  This is a great topic to have on your agenda in the early formation of the women’s group: How do you handle certain unpleasant or unwanted behaviors?

Here’s some difficult to handle personalities when their behavior is constant or too often:

Distracter – If one person is talking, a distracter will say something on a completely different subject or interrupt by having a side conversation with another person.

Negative One – This person predominately talks about negative problems or issues within themselves or the world.  It’s the doom-and-gloom member, seeing sadness or stress everywhere.  All individuals go through difficult times in their lives and a caring group is there to be supportive.  Yet, we can distinguish between a real need and when the behavior is a reaction to a triggered stress or when it is habitual and needs to be curtailed.
 
Know-It-All – This member has the “correct” answer for everything.  This type of behavior leaves very little room for the know-it-all to participate in the group.  The individual looks like she is participating, but rather she is so intent on giving answers or spouting helpful hints that she is not aware of the other group members.  One way to get around this type of behavior is to explain how important it is not to give advice unless a member asks for it.

Interrupter – This personality always brings the conversation back to herself and starts talking about herself, her problems, her issues, her ideas.  This leaves no room for anyone else to finish their own thoughts.

What Traits Are Great to Build Within a Group?

**Listening
**Curiosity
**Caring
**Intellectual stimulation
**Focusing

People do not all act the same or approach participation in similar ways, yet the combination of personalities can create a dynamic and supportive group for all members.  It’s in how we deal with the different personalities – accepting their strengths, maximizing them, helping each member grow – that keeps a group together and keeps everyone coming back for more.

What About You?

What do you do when you bump into a personality type that pushes your buttons?  How do you think the group can best handle the different behaviors that surface in a group of women?  If you are already in a group, do you have specific methods to handle disruptive behaviors within your group?  What works and what doesn’t?

We’d love to hear from you! Let us know about your suggestions and/or issues.

Karen & Pat
“maximize the value of women in your life”

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